That's Entertainment

As part of replacing my '80s cassettes with CDs, I recently purchased the Jam. And I'd completely forgotten how much I loved the song "That's Entertainment" from 1980. It's really one of the best songs ever -- even on the Rolling Stone top 500 of all time list -- and the more you play it the better it gets. My kids have probably heard it at least 30 times in the car. Miles is running around the house singing "slashed seat affairs!" Anyway, here's the video.

I think the song is an ironic take on the "That's Entertainment" movies from the '70s, which were these incredibly upbeat documentaries on the golden age of Hollywood Musicals. The song has a beautiful acostic guitar constrasted with gritty lyrics. It's hard to understand everything Paul Weller says, so I had to look up the words, but the opening lines, sung over a light acoustic sound are "a police car and a screaming siren, pnuematic drill and ripped up concrete...." It's brilliant.

So as my creative exercise for last week I decided to take a crack at it from my own perspective as a Mom in the new millenium.

Paul Weller's version:
A police car and a screaming siren
A pnuematic drill and ripped up concrete
A baby waiting and stray dog howling
The screech of brakes and lamplights blinking -
that's entertainment.

A smash of glass and the rumble of boots
An electric train and a ripped up 'phone booth
Paint splattered walls and the cry of a tomcat
Lights going out and a kick in the balls -
that's entertainment.

Days of speed and slow time Mondays
Pissing down with rain on a boring Wednesday
Watching the news and not eating your tea
A freezing cold flat and damp on the walls
that's entertainment.

waking up at 6 a.m on a cool warm morning
opening the window and breathing in petrol
an amateur band rehearsing in a nearby yard
watching the telly and thinking 'bout your holidays
thats entertainment

Waking up from bad dreams and smoking cigarettes
Cuddling a warm girl and smelling stale perfume
A hot summers' day and sticky black tarmac
Feeding ducks in the park and wishing you were faraway
that's entertainment.

Two lovers kissing amongst the scream of midnight
Two lovers missing the tranquility of solitude
Getting a cab and travelling on buses
Reading the grafitti about slashed seat affairs
that's entertainment.

Mine:
Late dinner and two screaming kids
Bedtime Now! then folding laundry
Wash the dishes and make the lunches
Sauvignon Blanc and the New York Times
That’s entertainment.

I want the pink cup! and scramble eggs
Sweeping crumbs and picking up legos
Princess toothpaste and putting on sunscreen
Drive your carpool and get late to school
That’s entertainment.

Days of speed and slow time Mondays
Meeting at school on a boring Wednesday
The pediatrician and missing yoga
Can’t find a sitter and crayon on the walls
That’s entertainment

Waking up at 3am and its not yet morning
A leaky pull up and changing the sheets
Kindergarten waitlist for the nearby school
Watching TV and thinking ‘bout your credit card
That’s entertainment

Waking up from bad dreams and making coffee
Plucking greys and no time for a haircut
Jeans too tight and sticky black sweater
Two carts at Trader Joe’s and wishing you were far away
That’s entertainment

Husband watching the Wire at midnight
Two people missing the tranquilty of sleep
Buckle the car seat and go to swim lessons
Looking at United for the lowest fares
That’s entertainment


Stay tuned... I'll be rewriting Stairway to Heaven next! I guess it is safe to say that I have too much time on my hands.