Roller

So of course we went back to the roller yesterday and it was BROKEN! Miles was a good sport about it, though, and he climbed around on it.

Threats

My friend Jean was visiting this week and offered (in the nicest possible way) some parenting advice. She is a former kindergarten teacher and long time educator so I figured I should probably take it. And anyone who's read more than a sentence of this blog probably understands that I need all of the help I can get.

I tend to give my son a lot of threats. I try not to give him crazy off target ones (like "wash your hands or you'll never see Elmo again") but things that are fairly relevant and related (such as "if you don't hold still and get your pajamas on now, we won't have time to read books").

Last night I threatened to take my son's popsicle away if he stepped off of the rug in our doorway (he's a pretty messy eater sometimes). Each time he started to step off, I'd remind him and he'd get back on. Jean's point was that if he stepped off at all, I should have taken it away. So he'd learn to listen to what I say, to stop constantly pushing the envelope.

So today I decided to try her advice. We went to the grocery store. Outside, there was a little coin operated construction paver that kids could ride in. Miles realllllllllly wanted to go in it. So I told him that if he was good in the store and didn't touch anything, he could do it.

He was pretty good to start. A few times as we went up and down the aisles I'd have to remind him - as his little fingers brushed the cookies or cereal - that he couldn't go on the paver if he touched things. And finally, when we were at our last stop - produce - he touched the tomatos. So I told him no paver today.

The lines were long and it was almost naptime and he cried for half an hour straight. Everyone was looking and I found myself explaining myself to the other people in line. But here's the worst part. I felt TERRIBLE. It was all I could do to stop myself from crying too. And first thing tomorrow, I'm sure we'll be back at the store, going for a ride on the paver.

So I think Jean is probably right. You need to draw a hard line on your threats. But here's my other learning today. Don't give a threat that will hurt you more than it hurts him.

Let Them Eat Cake

Miles has started another vegtable strike. Over the past week he's had one carrot and three slices of cucumber.... So I'm back to threatening, cajoling, and trying to sneak them in. I've always taken the philosphy that "every bite counts" but I sometimes wonder whether that's true. Or if two green beans or a few shreds of zucchini tucked under the cheese on his pizza are nothing more than a rounding error in his total nutritional intake.

There's an article in today's New York Times about the efforts of food scientists to add more nutritional value to otherwise unhealthy foods -- eg, potato chips may someday be a good source of dietary fiber. Part of me applauds this concept. It would certainly be easier for all of us if my kids could meet all of their nutritional needs with mac & cheese and veggie booty. But another part of me finds this very scary. Kind of like mini malls. Just one more effort to take all of the character, individuality and taste out of American life.

Ups

I was talking to my friend Robert yesterday and he said (in a nicer way than this) that after reading my blog he was glad that he didn't have kids. I guess I've been writing too much about the downs and not enough about the ups. So I started thinking about why I'm so glad I have my kids.

First is watching them develop as people. Miles will ask the same question say, maybe, fifty times while you are driving in the car (Daddy's in the airplane? Daddy flying to Connecticut? Daddy's in the plane? Where's Daddy?) as he tries to process the world. And Mia is learning to take care of people -- even the one who just hipchecked her away from the train table. She follows Miles around the house, constantly brininging him his lovey or binkie or sippy cup.

I also love seeing the world through their eyes. For most of my life I actually walked right by construction equipment or tow trucks and didn't spend twenty minutes marveling at the mysteries of heavy machinery. The kids also introduce a lot of laughter into my life, although I don't always understand the things that they find funny. They can crack each other up simply by passing a book or a binkie under a door. They were hysterical when he covered her in band aids. Or when he plays diaper man.

There's also the physical closeness of these two small bodies. If Mia isn't being held her favorite game is to walk toward me and then suddenly (and sometimes painfully!) dive on top of me. Miles needs to cuddle in my lap for half an hour every time he wakes up. So as much as they were driving me crazy when we were on vacation a couple of weeks ago because they were touching me constantly, I wouldn't know what to do with my personal space if I had it back.

And of course there's what children teach you about yourself. Admittedly I'm still working very, very hard on learning patience (more on this later!). But before I had Miles my friend Sam told me that one of the best things about motherhood is that you find that your capacity to love is more than you ever thought possible. And she's right.

Now back to picking tonight's mac and cheese off the floor....

Murphy's Law of Carwashes

We finally went to the carwash today. The nice one, where they vacuum and windex the inside of your car. And not thirty seconds after we pulled out, Miles accidentally dumped a bag of cheerios....

Free Time

Right now I have about five hours a week of free time to myself. It sounds like a lot, but it isn't really. It's the equivalent of the lunch breaks that a regular working person takes during their week. But the problem is that I don't usually spend it relaxing and taking a rest from my job.

Partially it is guilt. Although I don't know why I should feel guilty about taking a break. I used to work at a high-paced, high-stress software company (that shall remain nameless) and I can tell you that even the most high pressure job in Silicon Valley doesn't hold a candle to motherhood. I deserve a break, I really do.

Partially it is that sometimes it is a pain in the ass to take my kids on errands. Unless I can get the parking spot right out in front of the dry cleaner's, I have to take both kids out, carry Mia and drag Miles by the hand and somehow schlep Mike's mountain of dirty clothes in through the door. Even going to the grocery store can be a pain when your two year old insists on unloading the cart and paying.

I spent most of my time in high school obsessing about my weight and I don't want to go there again. However, I do have a milestone birthday coming up next year and I was thinking that it might be good be fit when I greet my new decade. Somehow I'm going have to find a way to work in working out.

Today I decided to free up my free time. Instead of going to the grocery store, I went for a run. I paid in the afternoon when I had to take both kids shopping so we'd have something for dinner. We almost got thrown out whenMiles opened the change machine and started pulling out quarters. But maybe, just maybe, I was a little more relaxed. And someday I might be a little more fit too.

Mooch

For breakfast this morning my daughter ate a bowl of cheerios, a cheese stick and 1/3 of a pear. Then I dropped the kids off at daycare for a few hours. Before I left, I took my son into the bathroom to pee. When I came out, Mia was in the high chair having yogurt and strawberries.

It doesn't matter where we are -- swim class, playground, daycare, zoo - if my kids see someone else with food, they stand there with mouths open, whining. You would think that I never fed them. I'm sure the other mothers slip them apple slices and goldfish on the sly because they think I'm starving them.