Threats

My friend Jean was visiting this week and offered (in the nicest possible way) some parenting advice. She is a former kindergarten teacher and long time educator so I figured I should probably take it. And anyone who's read more than a sentence of this blog probably understands that I need all of the help I can get.

I tend to give my son a lot of threats. I try not to give him crazy off target ones (like "wash your hands or you'll never see Elmo again") but things that are fairly relevant and related (such as "if you don't hold still and get your pajamas on now, we won't have time to read books").

Last night I threatened to take my son's popsicle away if he stepped off of the rug in our doorway (he's a pretty messy eater sometimes). Each time he started to step off, I'd remind him and he'd get back on. Jean's point was that if he stepped off at all, I should have taken it away. So he'd learn to listen to what I say, to stop constantly pushing the envelope.

So today I decided to try her advice. We went to the grocery store. Outside, there was a little coin operated construction paver that kids could ride in. Miles realllllllllly wanted to go in it. So I told him that if he was good in the store and didn't touch anything, he could do it.

He was pretty good to start. A few times as we went up and down the aisles I'd have to remind him - as his little fingers brushed the cookies or cereal - that he couldn't go on the paver if he touched things. And finally, when we were at our last stop - produce - he touched the tomatos. So I told him no paver today.

The lines were long and it was almost naptime and he cried for half an hour straight. Everyone was looking and I found myself explaining myself to the other people in line. But here's the worst part. I felt TERRIBLE. It was all I could do to stop myself from crying too. And first thing tomorrow, I'm sure we'll be back at the store, going for a ride on the paver.

So I think Jean is probably right. You need to draw a hard line on your threats. But here's my other learning today. Don't give a threat that will hurt you more than it hurts him.