How To Hate Yourself in Nine Easy Steps

1. Decide to take your two toddlers across the country to visit your mother, who lives in a destination to which there are no direct flights.
2. Decide you can do this without your partner, who needs to work.
3. Plan your trip soon after the clocks change so everyone's sleep schedules are out of whack.
4. Make sure that your son loses his binkie the week before.
5. Allow your son to stop napping after the loss of said binkie.
6. Make sure that your destination has lots and lots of breakable stuff that he can't get into. And a piano that is really fun - but annoying - to bang on.
7. Be sure that your destination includes a pool without a gate or net so the kids can't go outside to play without intense supervision.
8. Notice that your son never, ever, ever listens to what you say.
9. Find yourself yelling the entire trip....

Good, now you can feel guilty about it for months to come.