Yoga Frequency

So after a rough winter I've gotten back into a routine of going to yoga once a week and I have to say, it just isn't enough. Even though I've been able to stick with that pretty well, I just don't seem to be able to get any better. I still struggle with my backbends, I'm not getting any stronger. I need to go more than once a week. But if a mother of two small children is spending, three plus hours a week at yoga, does that make me superficial? Or selfish?

Dragging You Down

Here's the thing about your spouse's anxiety, stress or depression. You can either be impervious (and perceived as cold) or you can take it on yourself and get sucked in. Normally I'm pretty oblivious and I just go about my business, but now I'm finding that my spouse's stress is starting to drag me down too.....

The Grudge

Mia is starting preschool in two weeks, and I have to say I'm pretty curious about what it will be like! Mostly she is easygoing, and a good listener.

But she's also a bit of a grudge-holder. She sometimes complains about her friends at family daycare. One day this winter, when we were skiing (of all things), Mia said, apropos of nothing, "Paigey didn't listen to my words at Denise's." Four days later and she's thinking about it while skiing.

But that's of course nothing like her Dora book. How many times has she said, "Miles ripped my Dora book and I'm not too happy about it!". And I'm like, yeah, Mia that was last summer! Get over it!

So I'm interested to see whether she learns to develop friendships at school. Or whether we'll have a litany of complaints about Maggie or Courtney or Lindsay "not sharing their crayons, or ripping her construction paper or whatnot!

I just can't wait to enjoy this aspect of her personality when she's in junior high!

You Say Tomato

We had a major "milestone" in our family three weeks ago. Drum roll please. Miles started eating tomatoes! He'd never even put one into his mouth before. (Yes, even though he is half Italian!). But I asked him to try one of the little organic sweets from Trader Joes one night at dinner and he ended up eating six! I wasn't watching, and when I looked at his plate and saw that they were all gone, I was stunned. I made him get up and shake his shirt to prove that he hadn't hidden them.

He's actually tried several new foods lately and it is very exciting. He didn't like cauliflower (no surpise there). But he liked oatmeal. And tried mango. And of course tomatoes.Mia's been eating those little tomatoes for awhile. I've gotten her to try tomato sauce and she says she likes it. So maybe Miles will try it at some point too. And maybe, maybe someday our family will actually be able to have lasange for dinner.

Ciao!

Raising Cain

A couple of weeks ago I read an amazing book called Raising Cain. It is about "protecting the emotional life of boys." I found it very moving. It is SO easy to get annoyed with Miles, because he doesn't listen. Or sometimes doesn't pay attention. (Today, after swimming, just when we got to the car he said "I have to pee." So we turned around to go back to swim class. And I'm carrying Mia. And he stops and plays with flower boxes and store windows. I'm thinking, if you have to pee so bad, get the hell in there!)

But the book made me feel so guilty about all the times I get annoyed with him. It talked a lot about raising boys that are able to deal with their own emotions, and are therefore able to be nice to other people.

It also made me conscious of how difficult life could be - at times - for someone like him. Already his sister, who is 18 months younger, knows more letters than he does and is a better swimmer. She is happy to read alphabet books or do her swimming. Miles is interested in letters only so much as he can write signs or play. So it is going to take him a longer to learn and will be more challenging to teach him.

What I took away from it:

• Help boys to have an emotional life. Show them that it is OK to have feelings. Teach them how to talk about them. If they can't identify and talk about their emotions, then they can't be expected to deal with them later in life, or to treat other people well.
• Help boys with school. Pick a school that adapts lessons for people like Miles, who are smart but maybe not so great at sitting still and doing drill and practice. Help to create a good experience for him right out of the gate so that he doesn't dislike school and turn away from it.

Okay, that's it. There was a lot more in the book, but this is what I took away from it. And that's enough.

Same Old, Same Old

I haven't been a very good blogger over the past ten months. Here's what happened. First, I became the newsletter writer for our preschool. Which was fun except that I didn't know how to do desktop publishing. So things that should have taken me twenty minutes took about eight hours. Then I took on a contract position for two days a week for three months and that pretty much made me crazy. And then finally I took on the enrollment job at school, which made me even more crazy.

But here's the really sad thing. Here I'm writing again, and things aren't that different!

-I'm still unhappy with my weight
-I have even more grey hair
-I'm still a terrible listener with my kids
-I don't go to yoga enough
-I need to get a job
-I'm still obsessing because I don't have enough "passions." Maybe if I had, I'd have some fabulous career right now, or be the expert that the NY Times quotes on some obscure topic
-I love my husband but he snores

So for my three readers out there... you haven't missed anything!!

Friends

Do you ever have those days when your friends drive you nuts? Oh come on, you know you do! It's probably even me!

Mom's Clothes

I remember when I was in high school and my Mom would buy clothes for me but I always liked what she bought for herself better... Mia's already starting to borrow my clothes. The other day she slept in my pajamas!

And lately she's been bugging me to borrow my labordorite necklace. She thinks it looks like a candy necklace. In a moment of weakness I let her have it, and when I turned around she was whipping Miles with it. So I told her she can have it when she's fourteen. (Hoping she'll forget.) But it made me think of when I was little and used to ask my grandmother if I could have her diamond engagement ring when she died. Nice kid, huh?

No Mother Left Behind

Recently I was talking to an old friend and she told me that she'd taken up pole dancing as a hobby. You know, pole dancing. Like the women do at the Bada Bing Club on the Sopranos (although my friend assures me she has a shirt on).

This is not some slutty friend who wears tight pants and low cut shirts and flirts with all the husbands. She's a fine, upstanding mother and a card-carrying member of the PTA. But another friend had encouraged her to join a class and now she was hooked. The thing, she told me, is that she felt like she had left so much of herself behind when she became a mother. And this was a way to recapture the part of her that used to love to dance and really let it all go at clubs. A part she really missed. And could now revisit. But now with platform shoes.

So of course I started obsessing about all of the aspects of myself that I had left behind. The part that liked to get shit-faced on beer at some divvy local bar on a Sunday afternoon. The part that actually had time to get into bed with a good book on Friday night - and stay up all night if it was good enough. The part that liked to go camping and would then stay up all night listening for bears. The part that could actually plan - and pull the trigger - on a trip to Europe.

But here's the encouraging part. Considering how much my life has changed, my list isn't raelly that long. And in just fifteen more years I'll be able to do it all again!

My Little Princess

And I mean literally....

Already Giving Parenting Advice

Last night, I desperately needed to get two extremely overtired kids to bed and did everything in my power to speed the process. Like telling them they could only have one book. Mia, of course, had a fit and picked two. I told her several times she could only have one. And then she started to cry. And Miles said, "Some day, when I have kids, if they want two books I will just give it to them." He's four. I can't wait to hear his commentary on my parenting in a few years....

Advice from a Partier

We have a friend (ok, more than one) who parties a lot. Basically 90% of the time that we see him, this guy is wasted. So basically he is the last person that you could ever imagine yourself taking parenting advice from.

And yet... a month or so ago he was over for dinner and drinks (mostly drinks). During which time I fed the kids. You know, the usual coaxing to eat vegtables, the whole bit. But I left the room for a second and when I came back, Mia had devoured all of her green beans. When I remarked on it, he said, "Well I noticed she was having some trouble with them so I cut them up and she ate them all."

Okay. So the thought of cutting her beans had NEVER occured to her parents. Never. So what does it say about us that the boozer friend understands our child better? Just one more time to get hit over the head with the lesson, you can't pay enough attention to your child.

The Funny Thing About Money

I've been working off and on for the last few months doing some contract work. And I have to say to all the working mothers out there - my hat is off to you!

In the process of trying to re-enter the workforce, I've discovered something funny about money. Which is this: when you are working you spend less.

It seems conterintuitive. When you have more money, you have the ability to spend it. When you have less (because you aren't working) you should spend less.

But it doesn't work that way. First, when you are working you have less time to spend money. Second, and more importantly, when you are working, money has more value. When I wasn't working, it was easy to separate myself from money and it is this theoretical concept that has no value. But when I can look at a sweater or a pair of pants and say to myself, "that costs two hours." Or three. Or four. I am so much less apt to buy!

Teaching them Well

An exchange between my kids this week:

Mia: Miles, do you want to come in my house?
Miles: I can't. I'm busy.
Mia: Are you on the phone?

So glad I'm training them to neglect each other!

There But for The Grace of God Go I

This poor family was removed from a flight because they couldn't calm their toddler down enough to get her in a seat for takeoff. Not that I disagree with the airline's decision - they have a business to run - but I'd hate to be the parent with my name out all over the Associated Press because my kid was naughty. And believe me, I have so been there!

Baby Fart

Arugula

Two years ago I was beating my head against a brick wall because Miles wouldn't eat vegtables. I tried and tried. Finally he got over it. And he's never been great, but he'll eat the requisite four broccolis before dessert. And now that I'm working a couple of days a week and really too busy to pay attention, he's started doing the strangest things. I was cooking this week and he tried the arugla and then ended up eating an entire bowl.... Who'd have thought...

Scissors

I came home from work on Monday and my sitter handed me a huge hunk of hair - apparently Miles took it upon himself to give his hair a little trim. He went into the bathroom and it was quiet for a moment, and voila!

There's a nice big patch in the middle of his head where he cut it pretty much down to the scalp. So I took him to the "trained professional" and she cut the rest of it off pretty short - not THAT short - so it will grow in a little less awkwardly.

Oh, and did I mention we have a kindergarten interview next weekend? Good to know that he will be looking like someone took a machete to his head.

So he's lost scissor priviledges until high school...

Always, Always, Always Check References

I think this must qualify as one of the worst babysitter moments ever. Frankly, I'm still in complete shock.

But this weekend we were up in Tahoe, and we had a babysitter watch our two kids. And our friends' eight month old baby. From 9-3 while we were skiing.

This is someone who has probably watched my kids about ten times in the past year and a half. She was recommended to us by a former sitter, who was very reliable and had come highly recommended, although we didn't check actually check the newer sitter's references. She's always been a bit of a character, but it all seemed very harmless. Although now I remember things that I should have thought more about. Like that she'd given up partying for a year so that she could get her act together.

So we got home from skiing (we'd called and told her we would be an hour late). And after we got home she said "Miles is a angry at me. I raised my voice at him because he spilled my beer."

BEER?

The heads of all four adults snapped around to look at her. But I think we were all too stunned to say anything.

BEER?

And here's what's worse. Not only was my sitter boozing on the job, but yelling at my kid because of it.

So there's a lesson here... I'm just glad it was only my couch that got seriously hurt.

A Little Perspective

WARNING... Bragging post about to happen.... But I thought this was pretty cool. Miles drew this picture of our family yesterday. (The horizontal lines are stripes, by the way because for some reason we're all wearing stripes). I'm the one on the left with the really big head. Not because my noggin is really so oversized, but because he's trying to show the barrette on my ponytail. (The little square part on the bottom of the back of my head is the barrette.) Okay, so I may look a little weird, but I was quite impressed that my barely-four-year-old-son is already experimenting with perspective!